Gender Approaches with Infants and Toddlers

These days most of you, Dear Parents, are educated and open-minded and thoughtful and incredible when it comes to raising your kids and exposing them to different cultures.  Mixed race, same sex parents, adopted children, blended families: it's all old hat.  And that's important because even young toddlers are amazingly adept at picking up on emotional and social cues.  Have you ever noticed how your kids maybe behave differently when Grandma's in town, or how the kids in the preschool act when when the director's in the room?  On a more insidious note, your kids are watching how you interact with people of different races and genders.  Your "little scientists" are, after all, learning how to be people, and they learn that by imitating and internalizing the behavior modeled in front of them.

You might never think of being openly racist around your child, but what about reinforcing gender stereotypes?  Maybe you've heard the anecdote about a little baby treated one way when dressed in blue, and another when dressed in a frilly pink dress.  Gender identity, like all the other aspects of your child's development, starts from birth.  I think it's terrible to hear a caregiver say something like "No, that's for boys" or "Big boys don't cry." So, how can you help your child from absorbing some of these self-limiting biases?

• Offer toys that appeal to both genders, not just traditional male-geared toys to boys and vice versa.  Little girls love trucks and tools.  I love to cook and I can't wait to get my son a play kitchen.
• I drool over the cute girl clothes in all the stores too, but think about saving those frilly designs for special occasions.  It's pretty hard to play and jump and crawl in a dress.  (And don't get me started on baby bikinis WTF)  Some parents may be upset when their little girls come home messy or disheveled- I say that's a sign of a good busy day!
• A lot of times boys are praised for their actions, and little girls are recognized for their looks.  This is a strong message to an impressionable mind.
• Think of the emotional treatment your kids get in regards to gender.  How ashamed YOU would feel if you were told not to cry when you felt bad, just because you happened to be one gender and not the other!
• Model the behavior you'd like your child to see.  Let them see both parents cooking and cleaning.  Hey, Moms can fix stuff too!  

I know that some of this advice seems a little basic and maybe even silly, but our children are such impressionable little sponges.  Not confining them to gender biases can help them grow and self-actualize, and isn't that why we're here?