How to Be

 I am re-re-reading A Circle of Quiet by my favorite ole girl, Madeleine L'Engle.  Her thoughts on ontology jumped up at me- perfect description of early learning and development.  I love reading a book again and picking up some new ideas each time.  Check it:

 "Ontology: the word about the essence of things; the word about being. . . I was trying to think out loud about the concentration essential for all artists, and in the very little child I found the perfect example.  The concentration of a small child at play is analogous to the concentration of the artist of any discipline.  In real play, which is real concentration, the child is not only outside of time, he is outside himself.  He has thrown himself completely into whatever it is that he is doing.  A child playing a game, building a sand castle, painting a picture, is completely in what he is doing.  His self-consciousness is gone; his consciousness is wholly focused outside himself." 

Haven't you seen that perfect concentration yourself, whether you're a parent or a caregiver to a young person?  One example with my own kid comes to my mind.  On Max's first birthday we threw him the requisite party with food, drinks, people, etc.  He was very, very interested in the ice cubes keeping the drinks cold.  My friend pointed it out to me and we watched him for a few minutes.  He dug around the bin for the perfect piece, held it for a second, and then placed it on a bench nearby.  Repeat, repeat, repeat.  I challenge anyone to say that infants and toddlers have short attention spans!  Unless they've been corrupted by video games and television and all the other bleep/flash/bang "learning toys" out there.  That kind of concentration is beautiful and creative, if you ask me.  Yet it's kind of a contradiction, isn't it?  A child who is engaged in real play, or an artist immersed in creating a new work, is "wholly focused outside himself," but at the same time he is being completely himself.  It's like the outward focus allows the true self to finally emerge, unencumbered and honest.  This is an idea L'Engle works out in many of her YA novels (Team Vicky for the win!).

So how does this relate to parents or infant caregivers?  It's easy to explain: when these helpless little aliens are placed in our care, we are given the simple yet devastatingly important task of teaching them How to Be.  That's how to be people, people!  Think of an infant who doesn't have a complete grasp of language yet- she's looking at you, literally looking and watching, to learn how to act.  That's when that whole modeling behavior principle comes in- you don't shout at a bunch of kids to get them to be quiet, right?  I think the best, most basic early childhood mission statement should involve supporting children in their basic humanity.  Allow them periods for uninterrupted play.  Let them learn about their bodies and about the world they inhabit.  Don't force a bunch of toddlers to sit in a circle of chairs for storytime like some kind of cat-herding exercise.  Observe them and let them show you how to truly let them be.  If ontology is the study of the essence of being, I'm going to start using the word "ontologist" to describe infant and toddler caregivers!